What you don't want to hear at 23 (or ever) | Health Update #1
Something brave to share
Hey there. In case you didn’t hear, I was recently diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I have no history of cancer in my family and no discernible cause yet for why this might be happening. I have a long road ahead of me.
The reason I’m sharing is because I can’t imagine battling this alone.
The doctors keep telling me that a 23-year-old shouldn’t have cancer. It’s heartbreaking to hear every time. (That being said, I have always enjoyed being special.)
After I posted about it on social media, a lot of people said to me “You’re so brave for sharing” or “Thanks for being so vulnerable.”
It doesn’t feel brave, and it doesn’t feel vulnerable. It feels like I’m finally able to be honest – I have been sick and in pain for a long time. I just didn’t feel like I had a valid reason to talk about the other stuff.
I can drop the facade. My chronic and invisible pain has been a constant struggle. For years, I’ve been identifying and starting to fix one problem, only for another to come up, except that process has repeated over and over again. My body, mind, and soul are all exhausted. I can’t do it alone anymore.
There were blood tests, X-rays, MRIs, and all sorts of other tests for a myriad of other issues before this that no one had any clue about before this, because I know too well that someone else’s pain is uncomfortable for other people. People want to ask you how you are, but they don’t want to hear something that challenges their perception of you. Trust me, they’ll keep asking until you change your answer.
Sharing doesn’t feel like bravery because what I was showing you before was. Now, I’m showing you scared. But fear can be healthy. It keeps us cautious. Fear slows us down from the relentless pace we were trying to maintain. It helps us brace for worst-case-scenarios while continuing to look for solutions. We don’t let fear win at the end of the day.
I’ve always been a writer, since I could pick up a pencil and click on a keyboard. Outside of my support network, writing is what I’m going to hold onto during this process. I hope I can still enjoy clueing you on various pop culture events, and if you want to hear more from me on me, even if that’s uncomfortable, I’m open to it.
I can’t predict the future, none of us can. All we can do is wake up each day ready to take on the next.
My body has been telling me for awhile that it needs rest. I’m finally listening.